I’m Troubled That My Fiance’s A Villain – Prenuptial Travel Logs – Episode 03

“Lizzy, can I come in?”

“Sure.”

A little while later, as I readied for bed, Bern visited and saw me in front of the dresser, restless from worry.

He gently put a chair in front of me and sat down.

“What’s wrong?”

“You look like you’re worried about something.”

“…I’m not.”

It’s a lie. I’m extremely worried.

Ah, but, don’t people normally worry about things? I mean, it was useless fooling myself since Bern could easily see through my lie. He frowned, troubled.

After living together at the Rietberg estate, it’s a little sad that I had to hide things that unsettle me from him.

I’ve looked for chances to properly tell him, but I still have big secrets I’ve hidden from Bern even if I don’t think about them often.

One is my previous memories, that this world greatly resembles a game. And that around the time I met him, I was scared of him.

But how should I tell him that?

If I had mentioned it back when we were children, I would have been treated as a weird person. Plus I was worried that I’d be seen as someone crazy.

However, I’m also suspicious that Bern has probably noticed it too.

When I spoke with Lila back then, we used the words “game” and “protagonist”. Even now, he hasn’t asked me about them. I wondered if the reason is that he had already come to a conclusion in his mind. That’s why if I was told it was okay for me to keep it a secret, I’ve never thought of it. I’m the type that’s not good at keeping secrets.

Of course, I don’t regret not relying on my previous memories. At the very least, I’ve never considered doing so.

‘Am I no different from Viola and Lila?’ Since when did these kinds of thoughts start coming to mind? Feelings of dejection filled me when I became aware of it. Especially when I look at Bern’s back as he goes about gardening, I would be attacked with anxiety and vague thoughts of ‘Is this really for his sake?’

Furthermore, since I have no one to discuss this with, it became a vicious cycle.

Though, if there was one thing that was different, it was the situation now.

Originally, if I didn’t have my previous memories, Bern probably would have assassinated Prince Edwin and Katerina may have been convicted. I just wanted them to become happy. I, too, wanted to be happy. That’s why, even though I wasn’t much help, I thought about things as much as I could and influenced events…

But now that it’s become like this, I thought that I might be similar to Viola.

She also probably just wanted Alois, that family, and herself to be happy. Although only the method itself was a little different, the truth is that I may not be that different from her.

Even though I’ve never directly met and talked to her.

That’s why I don’t regret it.

Thinking about that, a voice answers back in my head, ‘Then why didn’t you talk to anybody about it? You kept it a secret.’

That’s not fair!

Even if I didn’t know already whose voice that was, the criticism profoundly echoes in my ears.

That’s not fair, huh? That’s not fair…

“I’m sorry.”

“Eh, about what?”

Since I was slightly immersed in my own world, the apology came out of nowhere for me, and I suspiciously averted my gaze around.

“About Hausknecht-san.”

Ah, what the– just because of Elmenhilde?

Even though Bern doesn’t particularly need to apologize.

“You’re not angry, Bern?”

Having called out to Elmehilde, in the end, we decided to have her stay one night. I’m not so heartless that I would kick out someone being chased. If I let her leave after this, I would definitely feel bad my whole life.

Elmehilde declined tactfully. No matter how much power the Count has, a Marquis wouldn’t lend out a hand to a branch family.

‘You look tired, rest just a little bit.’ When I persuaded her with that, Elmenhilde awkwardly said, ‘Please,’ while making a weird face as if she ate something terribly unappetizing.

Suddenly talking so much might have surprised her seeing as I had been passive until now.

I plan on asking her tomorrow in more detail about the exile and herself.

Elmenhilde must have thanked me because it looked like Bern was serious about kicking her out.

“I thought that if it was you, you’d do the same.”

“I mean, wouldn’t you just want to kick her out considering all that she’s done?”

“That’s exactly why.”

In that case, we might have a problem.

“Besides, if she does something to you again out of ill will, I won’t waste my breath and kick her out right then and there.”

Ill will… That’s so dramatic…

“She did say slightly mean things, but it’s not like she was bullying me. Just that, ‘What is she doing hugging Bern?!’ is what I thought.”

A light ‘hehe’ spilled from Bern. What are you so happy about, huh?

Not speaking after that, my gaze casually fell on my hand.

Ah, there’s a hangnail on my thumb.

“Lizzy.”

I raised my head when I heard my name, and he suddenly looked into my eyes with a serious expression.

When I saw his grey eyes in the dim light, it was like looking into a dark abyss.

“I’d like you to come to me if you have any troubles. You don’t have to do it if it’s too painful. Whatever it is you’re hiding from me, it won’t hurt me.”

Bern slowly got up and hugged me on the chair.

For a moment, a sigh grazed my nape, making me shudder.

“I’m fine as long as I can be by your side.”

Seeing his wide, rounded back hugging me, I felt somewhat sad.

I should have replied back, ‘Stay by my side.’

I feel that Bern has always restrained himself when it comes to me, or rather, he’s too tactful. I realized for the first time just now that I don’t particularly like this attitude of his.

He caressed the top of my head with his cheek as he murmured, which was slightly ticklish. When I put my nose on his collar, I could smell Bern’s scent.

And yet, even though being hugged is more embarrassing than comfortable, I feel that he’s dangerously close to feeling very insecure, and because of that worry of mine, I wrapped my arms around that back that always seemed strong.

Otherwise, I would have forgotten that it was actually Bern that was hugging me.

When we finished the game’s story when we settled things with Lila and the others, I believed that we could be happy, with no vague reasoning or basis behind it.

But it can’t stay like this.

And Bern and I can’t stay like this either.

That night, I had a dream.

I didn’t remember everything, but in a small, stone room, there was only a simple bed and a desk. Overhead was an extremely high and sorry excuse of a skylight, making the inside of the room dark and desolate.

He was sitting against the cold stone wall as he hung his head, heartbroken.

His arms were free, but around his ankles were restraints, latched onto chains going into corners of the room, restraining his movements.

He’s a prisoner.

I stood facing him, absentminded, but it seems that he can’t see me. I called out to him several times, but there was no response. Sometimes, his shoulders would move, but I was relieved that he wasn’t dead. No, wait, I shouldn’t be completely relieved though? I don’t get it.

I thought it was Bern, seeing that pitch black head, but the moment he sluggishly raised his head, I was sure that it was him.

He had lost weight and the sharp eyes on his face was the same as Bern’s, but he looked like a completely different person. It made me blink several times. No matter how many times I did, it didn’t make his face appear to be anyone else’s aside from Bern’s.

Right now, his droopy eyes that I adored should definitely be slanting upwards, but on the contrary, they looked sunken in and his expression was equally terrible.

Genuine fear went through me.

While I stared at him with a feeling that I couldn’t believe I felt, the Bern-like person moved his head, terribly annoyed, and glared through the window outside with a narrowed, loathsome, gaze.

The precarious light that flowed in from the window shone on his eyes. Coupled with his originally well-featured looks, he looked like a painting.

Due to this undeniable truth that I don’t quite understand, I knew then that this was truly Bern.

After that, the fear disappeared, and I couldn’t help but worry about him.

Why are you making a face like you hate everything in this world? When I properly looked at him, his shackles were chafing him heavily. That definitely looks like it hurts. Besides, it looks like he’s lost a lot of weight…

When I unconsciously took one step forward, I met eyes with Bern who should have been looking up at the small sky.

Right away, I opened my mouth, took in a breath, and with a strained voice, I–

Woke up.

As a vague sadness wrapped around me, I blinked my half-asleep eyes several times. Ah, it was a dream, huh?

I usually forget the contents of my dreams a few seconds after waking up, but for some reason, I remember today’s dream very clearly.

Bern was in my dream, so when I slowly turned my head towards the window, my bones made small cracks.

Outside the huge window, the small birds were chirping as they flew about the blue sky that seemed to hurt my eyes. For some reason, my eyes followed them, and all of a sudden, something occurred to me. My wonderful idea might not have been so wonderful if I thought about it more carefully, but I couldn’t think of a better idea at this time.

“That’s right! Let’s go on a trip!”

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