I ran down the corridor. I moved my body forward, keeping to rhythm, each step a leap. I ran past a worried maid who yelled after me ‘That’s dangerous- young miss!’ but that wasn’t enough to stop me.
Feeling this way, I was helpless.
Inside my chest pathetic thoughts spun around and round. Emotions bubbling up with no outlet just like when I hid from Charles.
When I thought about that time, the solution came easily.
I just need to say it. I just need to listen. I just need to clearly say my thoughts. All the things I’ve kept in my heart, I just have to throw them out there, and maybe they will catch them.
However, I’m not that confident I can actually carry it out.
I want to let out a loud scream. But I scolded myself for trying to take such an easy way out. Another part of me violently responded, ‘then what else should I do then’.
Suppressing all the chaotic thoughts as they were too much, I arrived at Michelie’s room. Without even pausing to knock, I threw open the door.
Keeping my momentum I ran and hugged my little sister who has been reading quietly until now.
“Wha- Big Sister?”
Michelie was surprised at my attack, but didn’t dislike it in the slightest. Without resisting my hug at all, she just tilted her head slightly, as if this was the normal hug.
“All of a sudden, what’s wrong?”
“Mm. Just give me a sec.”
I held my cute little sister as close as I could for a moment. Feeling Michelie’s warmth, my heart calmed a little.
For a moment I dreamed I could stay here forever, but today that was no good. Today I didn’t come here to be healed by Michelie.
That’s why I reluctantly pulled away from our embrace, I earnestly looked into Michelie blue eyes.
“Michelie. Please scold this useless older sister.”
“Eh? All of a sudden, what’s wrong Big Sister?”
In response to my serious request, the same words she had said when I first jumped on her, now had a slightly different meaning.
Michelie’s blank look, was the face of someone who had absolutely no idea what was going on around her. Certainly, most people would be shocked, being asked such a thing out of the blue. But, I really wanted Michelie to do this for me.
“It’s fine so, without asking why, just scold this no good sister of yours. With the strongest words you have, push me forward!”
I was currently driven by the intense urge to be punished. So I wanted to be scolded. I had thought of asking Father, but when Father admonishes me I just automatically rebel, so I scraped that plan.
Maybe if Michelie sent me a ‘tsk!’ my feelings would calm down. If my most beloved sister could scrape out my weak self, then with all my power I can challenge Mariwa.
“Um well….okay” I guess I understand, for now anyway.”
Michelie was a child who well understood people’s emotions. Even without knowing all the details, she understood my enthusiasm. Taking a step back, when Michelie looked into my eyes she didn’t look at all confused.
As she said my name gently Michelie reached her hand towards my head.
Aaah. I hadn’t expected her to go for a beating straight off. But it was convenient. If it was hit like how mariwa does, surely my body would wake up.
Michelie’s hand landed on my head as I waited expectantly.
Rather than a punishing harsh fist, an accepting gentle palm landed on my head.
“I don’t really get it but, if it’s you Big Sister then everything will work out.”
Stretching as high as she could, Michelie gently stroked my hair smiling from her heart.
“Ahaha. I feel a bit bad for doing this Big Sister, but it makes me happy. Big Sister relying on me.”
I was going to say that this was the opposite of what I had asked for, but I stopped.
Just like how I have never harmed Michelie, Michelie has never harmed me.
Being comforted by Michelie is not a bad thing.
Though it didn’t follow my plan, I still felt my motivation returning.
“Something happened with Mariwa. yeah. Speaking of, your classes with her will come to an end soon won’t they. I see. To say goodbye like this, must feel lonely.”
“But you know what? I know for a fact that there is nothing Big Sister can’t achieve if she tries.”
Being consoled by my little sister, the tension finally leaves my body. As her words soak in, my heart feels relaxed.
“So, if it my Big Sister, the coolest in the world, everything will work out.”
“…..Yeah, that’s right.”
Looking at Michelie smiling up at me, I confirmed what I knew from long ago.
To be worthy of my younger sister who selflessly supports me, I will stand with dignity and pride and throw away my weak self.
“I am the older sister of Michelie, the coolest in the world!”
“So cool Big Sister!”
Always single mindedly motivating me, my most beloved sister is indeed an angel.
Later I would think back upon these days.
Peaceful days I spent ignoring the fated scenario and instead chasing after daily happiness.
I was so happy then. It was surely because I was so happy that I couldn’t look ahead and think about the consequences of my actions.
What a fool I was, calling myself a genius.
However, that stupidity was just the most obvious out of many small pushes that made me become a villainess. It was then that I could see all the signs as far back as when I was thirteen, no eleven, even as a seven or nine year old….No even before that. The groundwork that would decide my path had been laid long before the five year old me remembered my previous life. Like that, even if it was only by the heart, I was manipulated down this path. Or perhaps for a villainess like me, it was decided from the moment I was born.
But even now I don’t have any regrets.
Because I love the fate that made me like this.
All I need to do, is love the fate that was given to me.